To Sleep... To Dream

It's amazing that when Grace sleeps for a four hour stretch at night, I feel different. Last night she did two four-hour stretches, which meant that I got six hours of sleep between 9:30pm and 5:30am. Stephen has taken this week off work so he got up with Zander at 7:30 and let me sleep until Grace was screaming to eat. Which was at about 9am so all told, I got about 8.5-9 hours of sleep. I can't tell you how I feel! Human? Anyway, I am not sure what is up with the Zan-man, it's really unusual for him to be waking up so early. When we were away over the weekend, it sort of made sense, the room that he slept in had sheers on the window so he was waking up with the morning light. At home though, his room is pretty dark so we figured he would get back to sleeping until eight or nine. No such luck! Grace also wakes up around 7ish because her room is definitely too bright in the morning but usually she is happy to be in her swing and konks back out for another hour or so. I'll be so happy when she is finally sleeping for at least six hours at night!

Just when you think it's safe....

One of the great things about babies is that they are all different. Each one teaches you something new, and Grace is no exception. Along with learning all the great things that I have read to figure out how to live with a high demands baby, I've also learned that with her, a clean diaper is an invitation to her to empty out her bowels. I kid you not, if her diaper is already wet, she will not poop in it. Five minutes after the application of a clean diaper, it is no longer clean. And let me telly you, if it's not changed shortly after, she will let you know that she is not impressed and she will do it very loudly. Who knew that such racket could come out of 11 pounds of cute and cuddly baby girl? Another thing I've learned or rather relearned, is that nothing lifts a Mommy's spirits faster than a baby grin. Which I often receive right after I've gotten rid of that dirty diaper.... speaking of which.... it's diaper changing time!

our family so far

In the beginning it was just Stephen and I. Then we got a little dog named Parker Alexander Downsview Boy. He is a pure bred Yorkshire terrier. We only had our "fur-baby" for a few months when he was frightened by a small boy, and from that day forward, feared children. We didn't think that this would be a problem because at that time, we weren't having kids. Oh but how time (and God) changes our thoughts and plans! In February 2006, we found out we were expecting. It wasn't that big of a surprise, we had decided to try for a baby. It didn't take long! After our son was born, the dog did pretty well. He seemed to adapt to having this little stranger in the house after an adjustment period. And then he snapped at the baby. So we decided that the best thing for Parker was to go to a new home and the only place I'd be happy to see him was at my Dad's. They were more than willing to "adopt" him and he is happily living with them and their Yorkie, "Freeland." For almost one year, Zander was our entire universe. And then a funny thing happened. Stephen was away working in the states and the company he works for paid for me and Zander to fly down to visit for a week. It was a pretty good week of shopping, and sightseeing. A week after I got home, I discovered that I was pregnant! I immediately called Stephen and told him that Zander was going to be a big brother. He was very excited! On June 28th, Grace was born. (see first post for details) And that is our family so far. I say so far, not because we are planning to have more children but likely because my husband will convince me that a dog is a good idea. Unless I can convince him that travel is impossible with a dog!

Are we in for PPD?

If you are not familiar with the acronym PPD, it stands for Post-Partum Depression, and a lot of women get it in varying degrees. So, just to inform, there are the baby blues, which is typical for the first couple of weeks after giving birth and usually disappears after 14 days. Then there is PPD, which is a little more serious and can last for a long time and if untreated it can become the worst of all, Post-Partum Psychosis. I figured I'd have some kind of baby blues, I mean, I have a history of serious depression and having a baby is a seriously life-changing event. With my son, it was ok because I was able to sleep whenever he did and all I really had to do was take care of him, do some housework and take care of myself. This time however is a whole new ball of wax. It's harder to get the sleep I need, it's definitely harder to go out anywhere and the stress is a little bit higher. I mean, I'm completely responsible for two little lives now! That's a lot to take on. I am obviously not alone in this adventure, but because I am breastfeeding, it's not like my husband can take on a night feeding for me. Ok, yes, I can pump but at the same time, to me, it doesn't seem right to ask my hubby who works 10 hours a day to get up in the middle of the night to do a feeding. He works in a place where he needs to be completely aware so sleep deprivation on the job is dangerous. So, here I am exhausted and on the brink. I've been taking some steps to avoid falling into the pit of a full blown episode but apparently I should have been getting myself prepared for this BEFORE Grace was born because most programs have a long wait list. I seem to be better over the weekends when Stephen gets up when Zander wakes and lets me get some more zzs but it doesn't last. The public health nurse was here yesterday (they are wonderful) and she seems to feel that I am heading in the right direction but I am worried that in the time it takes to get into a program, it could be a little too late. I am trying so hard to think positive, to focus on other things, to motivate myself to get out of the house but the thought of getting two kids into the car, with all the necessary paraphenalia is daunting. And then the thought of being caught out and having to feed the baby makes me cringe. With Zander it was so easy, he was quick and quiet... this little girl is messy and loud and takes her sweet time. I don't want to rush a second of their precious lives but I can't wait until this stage is done. Now if I could figure out how to manouever the damn stroller, I'd be on a roll.